This has been the worst year of my life. I've lost everything I've ever known and my life will never be the same. I feel helpless, worthless, useless and worst of all- weak.
Everyone tells you you're strong. They don't know how you do it and you're amazing- but you're not. You're just going through the motions and trying to keep your head above water.
I have unanswered questions, unresolved issues and emotions I can't even admit
I am a closed book and sometimes I feel alone because I've isolated myself to rely on me, myself and I.
This year has been the worst year of my life. I've lost everything. But slowly, little by little and day by day I start to see the sun. I have been blessed with my beautiful son, supportive family and friends and an amazing man to share my life with. All the things I always imagined my life to be I can now achieve.
This has been the worst year of my life but it's almost over. I'll survive, move on, and in time I'll be grateful. One day I'll look back at this year and think "that year was worth all the amazing years I've had since then."
Looking for something new? Here are my favorite (non-obvious, aka Facebook) FREE apps.
Duolingo
Free and easy language learning site. They offer instruction in German, Spanish, Italian, French and Portuguese. It's very user friendly and you can learn more than one language at a time. Best part about this app is the approach. They use a combination of techniques including pictures, sentence structure and even voice recognition to practice your pronunciation.
Can you see why I love this app? There are endless hilarious things you can make it say! Oh, and I guess it does have some real world applications as well. You can also type something in English, translate it to the language you're looking for and it will read that language out loud. You can even record someone speaking that language and it will translate it to English. Great for travel :)
Candy Crush
Everyone is familiar with Candy Crush on Facebook but now you can take it on the go! I know I said it's free...but once you're stuck on a level for more than one round of lives I know you're going to be buying more :)
Polyvore
Ever see those outfits all over Pinterest and wonder how you can make your own? POLYVORE. I prefer to use the online version just because you have more options but this app is amazing and a great way to pass time.
Snapchat
So fun! I love the set up with the small caption and the time limit on the pictures. One warning: If you plan on sending anything you wouldn't want someone to see for more than 10 seconds: BE CAUTIOUS because if you have an iPhone the user you send to can take a screen shot of your snap.
Lately I have been seeing a lot about Kirk Cameron and his new movie on Facebook.
I have to admit, I'm not particularly a fan of him, so I decided to do a little research.
As I started reading about Kirk Cameron, his church, his beliefs, and the work he has produced I found myself getting very very frustrated.
So to start my search I logged on to Google and typed in Kirk Cameron anti....
I was intending to type anti-gay, knowing he has made less than kind remarks toward the LGBT community but all of a sudden anti-mormon popped up....and you know I had to watch.
I came accross this movie:
(sorry I wasn't able to post the actual video-only the link-but DEFINITLY take the time to view. It's only about 2 minutes long.)
I don't want to go too in depth as to why I find this video incredibly ignorant and offensive, I just want to say to everyone who is unfamiliar with Mormons (or any religion) please do research before you make statements like this. We are Christians and we believe in the same God that you do. If it offends me, I know that your comments about other religions and people offend them too.
Moving on-
Why are children feeling ashamed of who they are? Why are they growing up feeling like they can't trust their parents? Why are they afraid and harboring all of this negativity?
We are leading our kids in the wrong directions.
Stop telling them everything that is wrong with them and the world, and start telling them what is beautiful about life!
Piers Morgan could not have said it any better "That's great son, as long as your happy"
As long as our kids are contributing to society, law abiding, tax paying, and generally decent citizens and humans then WHY DO WE CARE HOW THEY CHOSE TO LIVE THEIR LIVES???
You want to be a part of the LGBT community? If you're happy, you have my support.
You want to become a religion different than mine? If you're happy, you have my support.
You want to get an abortion for whatever reason? If you're sure, and you're safe, you have my support.
You want to marry someone of a different race? If you're happy, you have my support.
You want to become a close minded republican? If you're happy....I guess you have my support. =p
You want to move accross county with your spouse and my grandchildren? I'll kill you! Just kidding...as long as you have skype, and you're happy, you have my support.
This did end up turning out like a rant, but sometimes I get so frustrated when I see people who are so judgemental towards people they don't know or don't understand. Mormons aren't hurting your county or your faith, neither are Jews, Atheists, African Americans, Hispanics, Homosexuals, Immigrants, Feminists or anyone for that matter. Everyone is just a person, a child of God, trying to live their life to the best of their abilities one day at a time. I hope if I could teach my kids anything about morals or religion or values it would be that.
PS- If you don't believe in God, that's okay too. As long as you're a decent person, you're still someone's child and I know they have unconditional love for you. :)
"Thirty percent of college men say they would rape if they could get away with it. When the wording was changed to "force a woman to have sex" the number jumped to 58%. Worse still, 83.5% argue that "some women look like they are just asking to be raped." "
-Margo Maine, PhD. (Body Wars)
How did we get to this? What happened in our society that the lines of "what is considered rape" are so blurred? Anytime a person says NO, objects in ANY way, pushes you away, asks you to STOP or is unconscious for whatever reason and you continue...that is rape.
According to a study conducted by Rogers University, 84% of women know their assailant. They've also deduced that women between the ages of 16-24 are four times more likely than women in any other age group to be a victim of rape, and one out of every four college women have experienced a rape or an attempted rape. Now men are not only admitting that they would rape if they knew they could get away with it, but that they have not already committed a rape, and 65% of those times that rape was with a group. Is it peer pressure? Do these men have a serious lack of control in their life that they need to seek out to control a woman? Do they honestly believe that woman was "asking for it" or is that just an excuse?
Over the past few years stories have been surfacing of women being raped on their college campus and ultimately being discredited by the administration. More specifically a story that has stuck with me about a freshman at Amherst College in Massachusetts who was raped by a guy who lived in her dorms and was not only told she couldn't switch dorms but that she should "take a year off and work at Wendy's until he graduates" Eventually this situation ended in this student leaving, a faculty member resigning and a school wide investigation.
Think about it? Doesn't it make sense? It does but a lot of times when guys see things like this they become defensive. They're thinking "We're not all like that" and "It happens to us too" And they're absolutely right. Just like with everything else in the world, some select people give the rest of their race, religion or sex a bad name when they're not all bad. I know we think of rape as a crime committed against women but the truth is 92,700 men are raped in the U.S. each year. Do they not deserve justice too?
A lot of rape victims avoid accusing their rapists for many reasons. They think it was their fault, they think they were asking for it, they are sometimes ashamed. Lets stop making these victims feel ashamed and make them feel empowered. Just know, it is not your fault and you are not alone.
Consider visiting these sites to get more information, find out how you can help, or if you yourself are a victim.
I bought a book of stamps and they had this design featuring the American flag the words Freedom, Liberty, Justice...and Equality. When I looked at these stamps the message was clear to me - these are the principles of America. But the longer I looked I just felt an overwhelming sense of irony.
Equality pl equalities noun : The quality or state of being equal
It's ironic to think that we face inequality in this country every day. If we can't make it one day as a nation of equals..forever seems far out of reach.
According to the National Committee on Pay Equity in 2010 women were paid 77.4% of the salary that men made. If that isn't bad enough, in 2011 that number dropped to just 77%. Tell me...is this the equality America wants to showcase as an example to the rest of the world?
As of August 1959, Fifty states make up our country and only 12 of those legally allow and recognize same sex marriage. Tell me...is this the equality America wants to showcase as an example to the rest of the world?
According to the United States Army official website as of 2012 women accounted for 15.7% of the Army. In a country that has allowed it's women to be a part of the active military since the Revolutionary War era how can it be that just now in 2013 we're finally allowing women to serve on the front lines? Tell me...is this the equality America wants to showcase as an example to the rest of the world?
A country founded by the people and for the people held it's first presidential election in 1788. Eighty-one years later in 1869 Congress passed a bill to let African American males participate and another fifty-one years after that women were finally allotted the same rights. Tell me...is this the equality America wants to showcase as an example to the rest of the world?
In 2011 an astonishing 6,222 hate crimes were committed in this country according to the FBI. These included intimidation, assault, vandalism, rape and even murder. Tell me...is this the equality American wants to showcase as an example to the rest of the world?
I'm proud to be an American and I'm so proud of the progress we have made as a nation, but we have a long way to go. We're already making great strides to change our ways, but before we can boast about having equality forever we need to actually embody these ideals.
We're all supposed to be treated as equals in the eyes of the law-it's my dream that one day we'll all be treated equally in the eyes of society.
"No law is gonna change us, we have to change us. Whatever God you believe in, we come from the same one."
In my quest to become more of the person that I strive to be I started asking myself "Why not be more honest?" There are two types of people in the world - people who speak the truth no matter the cost and the "people pleasers" I think you can assume which category I fall into...
I decided I should do a social experiment-with myself. It was simple. Over the course of two weeks I would refrain from lying, and if I couldn't I would document the lie, who it was told to and why. As a motivation to fess up on the spot, I vowed that once the experiment was over I would reveal the lies and potentially face more ridicule.
Sounds easy right? Sort of. At first I'm doing great, I'm telling the truth (in a gentle way) and it actually felt pretty good to just be open and honest about my feelings...but here I am a week in and I think it's already time to put a kabash on the experiment. I feel like I already have all of the data I need.
Some people lie because that's all they know, some people lie because they don't want to be caught, and some people lie because they don't want to disappoint. As I was looking over my findings I started to notice a pattern-all of my lies were simply as to not disappoint. The fear of feeling like someone wasn't going to be happy with me literally made me so anxious that I couldn't help myself. That fear was literally crippling to me and I had to avoid at all costs. I lied to my friends about why I couldn't do things when in all reality I was just tired. I lied to my doctor about taking my medicine when I haven't taken it in a month. I lied to my husband when I told him I didn't care if we put off something I'd been looking forward to.
So knowing that all these lies were going to come out into the open eventually why didn't or couldn't I admit the truth? Am I now just too used to making excuses or am I feeling that I don't have the inner strength to stand up and tell the truth for myself? I think maybe a mixture of both. Can anyone find a balance or are we always going to lean? Are we airing too much out or keeping too much in? I recently read something that really spoke to me and I've been repeating to myself whenever I feel unsure about something---Will this matter to me in a year?
Either way, I think it's important for us to be honest with ourselves. Once we do that we can begin to construct a plan to truly become the people we want to be..one small step, or truth at a time.
It's getting to be that time - the things we used to love have lost their luster and now we're finding ourselves oddly fascinated with something else.
This is what I'm digging :
Pink's Hair
I have to admit - I am not normally a Pink fan. Honestly, other than her hair, this song and her daughter's name I can't much stand her. I don't like her "punk rock" attitude. BUT I'm starting to feel like she's growing and maturing. She's a married mama now and she looks SEXY! If I could I would rock this hair style.
The Big Bang Theory
Who doesn't love this? Can't really think of anything else to say...not that it even needs an explanation!
The most popular names for female cats in the US include Missy, Patches, Muffin, Pumpkin, Tabitha and Samantha...Really??
Approximately 40,000 people are bitten by cats in the US annually.
Cats are notoriously picky-they normally prefer their food at room tempature andwill refuse food that is too cold or warm. (and you thought you took enough crap from your mother in law about your cooking!)
Jack and Donna Wright of Ontario made it into the Guinness Book of World Records for owning 689 cats (at once!) the only thing worse than ending up a single cat lady is being a married cat lady!
Some notable people who dislikedcats: Napoleon Bonaparte, Hitler (who did they like, seriously?) and Dwight D. Eisenhower.
The cat is the only domestic companion animal not mentioned in the bible
BUT
Pope Benedict XVI (who just resigned) is headed back to his home in Tubingen, Germany to be with his cat Chico
Mormons have been under scrutiny since it was announced Mitt Romney was running for president - and that he was Mormon. I'm guessing if you don't live in Utah you don't know that many- but I'm sure you've heard the rumors or even had a missionary on your doorstep before.
After just celebrating my first year as a member of the LDS church- I'd like to go ahead and debunk some of these misconceptions and give you a better understanding of who we are, what we believe, and what we do.
Top 5 Myths about Mormons:
1. Mormons are NOT Christian
Mormons are very much Christians! Hence the name "The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter Day Saints"
Historic Christians hold the Bible as the sole word of God-while Mormons rely on the Bible as well as other scriptures including the Book of Mormon.
LDS members get a bad wrap when someone hears to them referred to as "Mormons" it makes people think we're not Christian-but that's just a nick name!
2.They have multiple wives (or practice polygamy)
In my opinion, this is the biggest misconception plaguing us today. With shows like "Sister Wives" on the air it's hard not to get confused. While they do state that they are FUNDAMENTALIST Mormons-you still hear the word Mormon and naturally group everyone together. The truth is in the early days of the church Polygamy was involved. This practice was outlawed in 1890 and was revised in 1904 to say that any person who continues to practice polygamy will be excommunicated.
Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley addressing the matter at 1998 General Confrence:
3.) Mormons don't drink soda
Mormons drink soda. The LDS church does have a health code, known as the Word of Wisdom (issued 1833), which does condemn the consumption of alcohol, tobacco, drugs, and "hot drinks" Which current church leaders have distinguished as coffee and tea. This practice is very similar to a lot of other religions. Basically, you're not going to want to put anything into your body that you could become addicted to, or that is not good for your body.
4.) All Mormons live in Utah and are Republicans
I myself live in Cincinnati and am a Democrat. Myth dispelled? Pretty much. But as of December 2010 there were 14.1 million members world wide. As of 2012 there were 139 LDS temples around the world and 27 more under construction-including one in Peru. (Sounds kinda far from Utah, am I right?)
While many members do live in Utah and the surrounding states, that is where we settled in 1847 and have grown from there. Also, many members are Republicans based on the teachings of the church-but remember, separation of church and state.
5.) Mormons can't use birth control
Typically LDS families do have more children than the average American, but not because of a ban of birth control. The church teaches thathaving children is a privilege of married couples and that the number you chose to have or the space in which you chose to have them is "extremely intimate and private and should be left between the couple and the Lord"
Also, the church teaches that sex is not only for procreation. According to the Handbook for church leaders "Sexual relations within marriage are divinely approved not only for the purpose of procreation, but also as a way of expressing love and strengthening emotional and spiritual bonds between husbands and wives."
So in closing- Yes, we have missionaries. No, my husband only has 1 wive and that's all we will ever have. Yes, I am a Christian. No, I am not a Republican and I don't live in Utah. No, I don't wear "magic" underwear and Yes, I do read the bible.
Everyone loves a good cupcake recipe. You know what else everyone loves? A drink.
Well, I bring you both...COMBINED with SAMMIE'S MALIBU CAKES!
Now I know after work not everyone has time to come home and whip up some cupcakes from scratch - so I've modified this recipe so you can also make it with a box mix as well!
From Scratch:
(yields 12 cupcakes / 24-30 babycakes)
What you'll need:
DRY
1 cup sugar (sifted)
1 1/2 cups all purpose flour (sifted)
1 3/4 teaspoons baking powder
WET
1/2 cup butter (room temp)
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/2 cup milk
2 teaspoons Malibu Rum (I prefer Coconut Rum but you can use what you like!)
Pre-heat your oven to 350 (or warm up your babycakes)
combine all dry ingriedients thoroughly
Cream together butter and sugar - add in vanilla and rum.
Rather than fool with the oven I prefer to use this:
With help from Duncan Hines:
(yields 16-20 cupcakes / 30-40 babycakes)
What you'll need:
1 Duncan Hines Classic White cake mix
3 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 teaspoons rum
2 tablespoons veggie oil
1 1/3 cup water
Combine together until smooth
cupcakes 20/22 minutes ---- babycakes 4/5 minutes
****** NOTE: If using babycake maker or something similar make sure that if you're not going to change the papers between each use that you spray it EVERY time***********
For your frosting:
3 tablespoons icing
1 teaspoon Sunny D (adjust to fit taste)
1/2 teaspoon rum (adjust to fit taste)
The icing is many people's favorite part! Remember, you can always put more in but you can't take any out. I would start off with these recommendations and then taste it, see how you feel, and adjust from there. In the end you should have a glazey consistency that is perfect to dip the cakes in like donuts.
If you prefer to do a home made frosting feel free! I would suggest just a plain butter-cream frosting that you can use orange liqueur or orange extract and rum. This would give you a nice consistency to pipe the icing onto your cupcake with an 826 or an 806 tip (Wilton) and rim with some toasted coconut.
If you go with the dunk-n-done icing like I did make sure that once you coat the cake in the icing you pop it in the freezer forat least 2 hours so the icing hardens enough for you to transport the cakes (these babies are going to my co-workers!)
I'm an independent woman. I don't answer to my husband-I discuss with him. He doesn't "control" my actions or have to take responsibility for me. If anyone has something to say to me, positive or negative,I'd much rather they just say it to me. We're two separate people who have separate relationships with friends, family and acquaintances. No one can speak on my behalf, and as much as I love him, my battles are not his to fight. I put on my big girl panties a few years ago and I don't plan on taking them off. This works both ways - his actions and opinions are not reflective of me, my ideas or my opinions and same goes for mine reflecting on him. I feel very disrespected when told or made to feel like I can't handle my own business. This girl can handle some damn business!
So can these women - who says you can't have a throwback Monday?
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